Making Mountains Out of Molehills
Today has been a very difficult day for me. For several reasons. For starters, I am hungry. And while, after three days of diligent fasting, I still can't recall my famed dick hat story, I have managed to shrink my breasts by two, quite essential, inches (at this rate, inversion seems imminent). Secondly...actually, there is no secondly, but I'm irritated enough about the breast thing to make it count twice.
The thing that is really irking me, however, is this...Someone asked me what my most embarrassing moment was. And I had nothing. No unexpected wardrobe malfunctions. No mortifying moments involving vomit, a midget, and the Thanksgiving Day parade. You see, I've embarrassed myself loads of times, but never in the colossally red-cheeked, tail-between-my-legs fashion that would be the stuff of legend. What I do have, is a litany of mildly amusing awkward moments that, individually, always fail to impart the sheer awesomeness of the collective embarrassement I've experienced over the years. And because I love telling a good story so much, this really chaps my hide.
It also leaves me with only one logical solution. I must lie. I must concoct a moment so embarrassing, so rich with comic fodder, that telling the story will fill me with immense pride. Therefore, I am enlisting your help. Perhaps you've got a story that I can steal, or maybe we'll all just make one up together. Whatever the method, I want to make damn sure that the next time someone asks me, "What's your most embarrassing moment?" I'm ready to spin a fantastical web of deliciously satisfying lies...
The thing that is really irking me, however, is this...Someone asked me what my most embarrassing moment was. And I had nothing. No unexpected wardrobe malfunctions. No mortifying moments involving vomit, a midget, and the Thanksgiving Day parade. You see, I've embarrassed myself loads of times, but never in the colossally red-cheeked, tail-between-my-legs fashion that would be the stuff of legend. What I do have, is a litany of mildly amusing awkward moments that, individually, always fail to impart the sheer awesomeness of the collective embarrassement I've experienced over the years. And because I love telling a good story so much, this really chaps my hide.
It also leaves me with only one logical solution. I must lie. I must concoct a moment so embarrassing, so rich with comic fodder, that telling the story will fill me with immense pride. Therefore, I am enlisting your help. Perhaps you've got a story that I can steal, or maybe we'll all just make one up together. Whatever the method, I want to make damn sure that the next time someone asks me, "What's your most embarrassing moment?" I'm ready to spin a fantastical web of deliciously satisfying lies...
posted by jenn marsala at 5:00 PM
6 Comments:
hmm....I'm thinking I liked the whole midget and tgiving day parade idea. Maybe you could do something with that, and add to it a part about some really hot guy...and a pair of really tight jeans maybe?
ok, ok, ok, so one time I wrote this blog asking my readers to help me create a "most embarrasing moment" story and then ....
Here's a pretty good one that happened to me, but I'm not sure if you'll appreciate it as much as I do.
I went out with this girl named Laura for a while a few years ago, and for a brief time I had her sister, Sara, on MSN. However, at the time of this incident, our relationship (an embarassment all by itself) had been over for a while and Sara was long gone from my list.
My screen name had something about a nudist colony in it, and Sara asked me about it. Having completely forgotten the existence of this Sara, I assumed it was my other friend named Sarah, whose email addresses are almost identical.
Sarah and I kid each other a lot, and I proceeded to tell her that she wasn't allowed in my nudist colony because I'm sure her body was horribly deformed underneath. Shortly after Sara (my ex's sister) freaked out at this horrific insult, I realized I was talking to the wrong girl.
This could all have been easily explained if my ex didn't already completely hate me. I mean, really, really hate me. She told all my friends that I was bad news and not to hang out with me. The two of us weren't friends anymore, to say the least.
Well, as it turns out, her sister really DOES have some sort of deformity on her stomach, the details of which I never got into, and it led to a whole thing with her parents calling mine and accusing me of everything from peeping-Tommery to sexual assault to threats of violence. It didn't go over well.
So, yeah, that's probably my most embarassing story. It's a good thing my real name isn't attached to this. Oh, wait, it is? Darn.
Much love,
Fromstein
Sweet Pea,
Don't worry first off MAKING MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLE HILLS MEANS YOU LOOSE AN AUTOMATIC 500 CALORIES, THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.
Now as far as embarassing moments you can't recall, have you tried to asking family members to see if they can recall a special moment like being totally embarassed?
But if you can't come up with a really good one, then I like your idea, LIE!!!
I have moments upon moments of embarrassing moments. Too many to list here. The best is when I was on the phone with a client and started laughing so hard I dropped the phone in my water glass.
this one time, after having done too many steriods, i developed bitch-tits, and actually INCREASED my breasts by two inches! very embarassing...
and i did hear this one about this girl who had to do an underwear add, all medicated up on Thera-Flu, and couldn't find a set of underwear that matched, so she ended up in Victoria's Secret having LOTS of fun with the sales reps...but i forget how that one went. maybe it will come to me.
by the way, wouldn't this blog be more aptly titled "making molehills out of mountains"?
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